December 31st, 2010, 8:16am:
I had finally fallen asleep on my husbands lap. After being awake for the entire night, sitting with my mom, holding her hand, trying desperately to not loose all hope. I finally laid my head down and closed my eyes. 45 minutes later I was awoken by my sister. "Shes gone" is all she said. I looked at her and said "no". I knew what it meant and I wasn't ready for it. She held my hand and said it again, as if to convince herself of the truth. "Yes Paige, she is gone" I sat up and tried to understand. But all I could do was think about breathing. One breath in, one breath out. My aunt said do you want to go say goodbye. I nodded yes and started to walk down the hall into the room where I had grown up to kiss my mom one last time. My husband walked beside me and held me up as I entered the room. She laid there looking so peaceful. But the minute I entered the room I knew it wasn't her anymore. There was no life and it was very evident the moment you walked in. I closed my eyes tight and leaned over and kissed her forehead. I whispered in her ear "I love you. Thank you for being the best mom ever" I turned and walked out and fell into my husbands arms and wept. Everything after was a blur. I wanted to run out of the house. I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to go back in one last time and just lay with her. But I knew nothing was going to make me feel any better. Life at 8:16am was forever changed.
365 days later myself, my sister, my husband and my children, let balloons off into heaven. To celebrate the life my mom lived. We each wrote a special note on each balloon and watched 7 balloons dance into heaven. It was magical. I am so proud of my family. We did it. We endured one of the toughest years I could have ever imagined and we came out stronger and closer than before. Goodbye 2011. Hello 2012. May you bring us even more peace, strength, love and happiness.
I had finally fallen asleep on my husbands lap. After being awake for the entire night, sitting with my mom, holding her hand, trying desperately to not loose all hope. I finally laid my head down and closed my eyes. 45 minutes later I was awoken by my sister. "Shes gone" is all she said. I looked at her and said "no". I knew what it meant and I wasn't ready for it. She held my hand and said it again, as if to convince herself of the truth. "Yes Paige, she is gone" I sat up and tried to understand. But all I could do was think about breathing. One breath in, one breath out. My aunt said do you want to go say goodbye. I nodded yes and started to walk down the hall into the room where I had grown up to kiss my mom one last time. My husband walked beside me and held me up as I entered the room. She laid there looking so peaceful. But the minute I entered the room I knew it wasn't her anymore. There was no life and it was very evident the moment you walked in. I closed my eyes tight and leaned over and kissed her forehead. I whispered in her ear "I love you. Thank you for being the best mom ever" I turned and walked out and fell into my husbands arms and wept. Everything after was a blur. I wanted to run out of the house. I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to go back in one last time and just lay with her. But I knew nothing was going to make me feel any better. Life at 8:16am was forever changed.
Once again - a privilege to read. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful 2012.
you are correct, me telling you that she is gone was me convincing myself that our beautiful amazing mother was gone. I'm still convincing myself of that fact everyday and everyday I'm shocked to realize this.
ReplyDeletei love you and i love that we created a new tradition for new years eve! a morning filled with laughter and balloons. i love you sister!!!
You've all been so brave . I watch from next door and continually admire the undying love and support you have for each other. It warms my heart and brings tears of joy to my eyes. You are all angles here on earth doing what God asks of you. What a blessing to know each and every one of you.
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