lessons

So today Lucy was supposed to come home. We were all so excited. I called everyone, even asked my friend who takes amazing photos if she could come and take pictures of us leaving the NICU. Then Thursday Lucy decided she wasn't ready and started having apnea like crazy. They ended up putting her back on the cannula and stopped her feedings. Immediately I thought she was getting sick again. To say I was freaking out is an understatement. Luckily Lucy had an amazing nurse who let her rest and started feeding her again slowly and gave her some medication for some swelling she had. You see since Lucy was supposed to leave on Monday they wanted her to have her 2 month immunizations. I was hesitant from the start. I asked a million questions if it was safe for her to have the shots being she is so small and her immune system seems to be weaker than a "normal" 2 month old. They all assured me she would be ok. Well turns out she wasn't. She had a terrible reaction to the shots. It was another scary 48 hours, but we have all come out of the darkness again and she is better than ever. They are now talking again about discharging her but I am keeping my lips sealed as to when that will be. I have learned my lesson about trying to plan and control each situation. I am focusing on today. We had a fantastic day today. I was able to give Lucy a bath, feed her 2 bottles and she did great. Not one sound out of the monitor. Tomorrow might be different but I can't control that. Living for the moment is something I have never been good at, I am always worried about tomorrow or what the plan is for the future. But I am trying and today I was successful and I had a really good day!