Monday, November 22, 2010


It's beginning to feel a lot like groundhog day around here. Not Christmas. Everyday I wake up and it's the same feeling. I feel scared, lost, worried, hopeful, optimistic. Everyday is some more news from the doctor. None of it good. How can that be? How can 2 weeks ago everything be "normal"? My good friend said something that I have been thinking about everyday. She said what I am going through is like climbing a tree. Deciding which branch to cling to. Do I climb onto the one where the reality of loosing my mom sits. Do I climb to the one where hope and optimism sit. Do I climb to the one where I close my eyes and hope it all goes away. I haven't made it to the branches yet in my climb. I am not nearly as angry as I was 2 weeks ago. The baby growing inside of me is a great distraction. Somebody asked me if I am mad at God. I feel torn. When I think about my mom and the reality of what lies ahead, yes I do feel anger. Then at that exact moment that I start to feel anger I feel my sweet baby girl kick inside of me. Then I feel gratefulness to God for this blessing. God is testing me. I am not sure if I will pass. I know that I will keep climbing towards a branch on my tree that will give me strength and grace.


  1. Oh Paige, I just messaged you through Facebook as I was thinking about you. Then I opened up Google Reader and here you are. I'm so sorry for the continuing bad news. That is worse than horrible. You already are being so strong. I know your Mom is so lucky to be surrounded by so much love.

  2. Thank you Kristi for your kind words and thoughts. The only reason I seem strong is because I have people like you praying for my mom. xo