Sunday, November 14, 2010
On Tuesday we find out the sex of the baby. On Wednesday we find out just where my moms cancer has spread. The range of emotions I am feeling about this week is overwhelming to say the least. I can't wait for Tuesday but I would love to just skip over Wednesday. I am finding that everyday I am reacting differently to my new reality. On Thursday we took the kids to see Megamind, I yelled at the teenage pimpled faced boy who insisted that I needed to turn my 3d glasses in in order to use the bathroom. Normally I would have been happy to oblige, but my hormones and sadness took over and I yelled at him. This is not like me. I felt terrible. I ended up crying in the bathroom for a 1/2 hour. Friday proved to be better. I felt more optimistic. Saturday was back to feeling sad and hopeless. Today I feel somewhere in the middle. I am finding that I have to take the day on minute by minute. I have to allow myself the right to be sad, angry, hopeful, optimistic, scared. I can only be in control of my emotions for so long. Trying to resist the urge to cry or feel scared is really just delaying the fact that later I will feel that way. So bring on the week ahead. The good and the bad, possibly it could be good and good. And I apologize for anyone who gets in my way when my hormones are running me, I am not in control.