Friday, February 11, 2011
When my mom got sick I prayed everyday for 2 months that she would get better. Every doctors appointment I would pray would bring good news. And every doctors appointment would bring worse news than before. But still I kept praying. Even in her final hours, I sat out in the living room praying. At that point I was just praying. Praying for whatever God wanted. He chose to take her. After Lucy was born I again started praying all day everyday. In the beginning she seemed to be doing well. I finally felt that my prayers were being heard. Now though Lucy is going backwards. She is back on the CPAP and has had a 3rd blood transfusion. She seems to be struggling so hard to breath. I am in fear again that my prayers are getting lost in translation. That I am not praying correctly. My prayers couldn't save my mom and now it seems that they are not helping Lucy. I am so scared. I don't know what is normal here for a preemie like Lucy. I don't know anyone who has gone through this. I keep hearing stories from others about someone they know who knows someone who had a micro-preemie and now that baby is doing great. I don't know how much more I can handle. I feel very weak. I feel so helpless. I am her mom and I should be able to heal her. All I can do is sit and pray. Sit and pray. Sit and pray. Am I being naive in thinking that my prayers are not being heard? I believe so strongly in the power of prayer and I want to always trust that. Please pray for Lucy. Pray for her to grow strong. Pray for our family to regain the strength we had in the beginning of all this. Just pray.