Thursday, January 13, 2011
regret
We had my moms services earlier this week. They were beautiful. Sunday night was a vigil mass and we said the entire rosary, which I always love doing. It's a great way to center yourself and think about God. After the rosary and prayers people were invited to come up and share happy memories of my mom. Every Single Person who got up said something so beautiful, so profound that I was in awe of how my mom had touched so many people. The night of the vigil mass there were close to 300 people there. The stories I heard were some I had never known. The accomplishments my mom had made in her life were things I had never realized. I started to feel regret in my heart. I felt bad for not knowing these things. And now that she is gone I can't ask all the questions I want to ask. I regret putting things off. Places I wanted to take my mom. 4 years ago we were going to see The Ellen Show. I had gotten tickets and a babysitter, but my mom had a meeting so we were unable to go. Over the past 4 years we had talked about going. I never got around to it. Now it is too late. After I had the twins I realized how funny birthdays are. We celebrate the person who was born that day but not the person who brought the child into the world. I decided that on my birthday I would always give my mom a special gift. That was 6 years ago and I never did it. I regret that. When putting together the picture boards for her services I realized I didn't have very many of her with my son. That breaks my heart. There is nothing I can do about that. All I can take from the feeling of regret is to make sure I don't put anything else off. When I want to do something or tell someone what they mean to me I am going to do it. You should do the same. What is the point in waiting for tomorrow or the right time? Life has taken on a whole new meaning. It is fast and can be hard. Loosing someone so close to you feels unfair. But the reality is that is how life is. So my option is to be upset or to take charge of my life and live with no regrets. I choose no regrets.
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Live life to the fullest.
ReplyDeleteI was watching/reading over Obama's speech yesterday. I got chills listening to him but he had a section in there about how we have regrets and it was just a wonderful section. I thought of the funeral then and your Mom.
Good luck at your Dr appt today!
ALSO.. I was thinking of this last week too. Have you thought of any names for your baby girl? There is an obvious choice of doing some sort of tribute to your Mom but don't forget!!
ReplyDeleteFelicia Ann - Oh yes, I couldn't believe how you forgot that is what you were going to name your girls back when we were little! I just wanted to be sure you were considering that name for your name list, lol
Hahaha Kristi I totally remember loving that name. No that is not the name we are going with, we are going to name her Lucy Grace. The Grace is after my mom because that is the word that most stands out when I think of my mom and I hope that is what the baby will bring to us.
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