gone

On the morning of New Years Eve my beautiful mother lost her battle to cancer. Gone way too soon. I am numb. I keep wondering if I will ever stop crying. If the pain that I feel in my heart will ever heal. I will share the story of my moms last hours when I can find the words to explain how it all happened. As of right now everything feels unreal. In my head all I keep thinking is I want my mom, I want my mom. I feel like a child who is homesick. I have never experienced anything so permanent. I can never get her back. I can never have one more conversation with her. I can never have one more hug. I wish with all my might that I could have her back for one more anything. My mom was truly my best friend. I leaned on her for everything. We would talk at least twice usually three times a day. I would see her at least 5 days out of the week. I am lost. I feel alone. It is a strange feeling to know that I don't have a mom here on Earth with me. This pain is unbearable. I can't believe that people go through this and even more that they get through this. I know that time will help heal the pain I feel in my heart, but I know the ache and longing for my mom will always be there. I miss my mom.