time

It has been one month since my mom passed. It has been 2 weeks since Lucy was born. Both events have rocked my world. The month of January has seemed forever. Everyday brings on new emotions and feelings. It still feels strange to not have my mom here. I went and visited her today at the cemetery. It felt weird. Not good, not bad just weird. I don't believe that she is there. I know she is in heaven. While we were there I noticed a family that had set up lawn chairs and they were just hanging out having lunch. I thought how funny it looked. Then I began to think that for them and I'm sure many others the cemetery is the closest they can be to the one they loved. My husband reminded me that I can be close with my mom like that anytime I pray or talk to her. I miss my mom. It's really hard, I'm not going to lie. Everything that Lucy is going through all I want to do is call her.

The people around us have overwhelmed us with their kindness. The girls school have set up "operation lunchbox", where families have signed up to bring lunches for the girls. They are loving it. I am feeling humbled by their giving hearts. My old friend set up a site where our friends can sign up to bring us dinners. Again I am humbled. I feel so undeserving of this generosity. Today one of Mikes friends from work came by and handed him a envelope of money. She had set up a bake sale for our Lucy. Once again we are humbled, I have no words or way to show how much we appreciate this outpouring of love. I know we will pay it forward when the time comes. I do feel in a way that my mom is behind all of this. My mom was so giving. If she were here she would be doing these things for us, instead she is guiding others to do the things she can't.

Lucy is doing amazingly well. She is off of her CPAP machine and put on a nasal cannula. They started feeding her yesterday and she is doing great, tolerating them all really well. It is hard to believe that she has only been here 2 weeks, it seems like she has been in our lives for longer. The love I feel for this sweet little girl overwhelms me every time I see her. I am so excited to see her grow, to see her flourish. I am just looking forward to February, January has been long enough. A new month is in order. I only hope more blessings are in store for us.